


Half-empty cup

by aishiterumo



Series: Reminiscing [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (?), Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mention of alcohol, Mentioned Kim Seungmin, Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Mentioned Yang Jeongin | I.N, Past Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Past Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Trust Issues, mention of sex like TWICE BUT NOTHING EXPLICIT I SWEAR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24184111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiterumo/pseuds/aishiterumo
Summary: Having a drink with his best friend makes Jisung reminisce about his past relationships.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Series: Reminiscing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881217
Kudos: 17





	Half-empty cup

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my gf♡](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+gf%E2%99%A1).



> I wrote this story for my girlfriend♡, with two of her favourite skz ship. I hope you will all like it, but mostly that she will.

Jisung sits in front of Chan, greeting his best friend with a sign of his head. The older man gestures the waiter with his hand to serve them two bottles, which he does almost immediately. The waiter opens the two bottles of soju, puts them on the two boys’ table and leaves. Jisung serves Chan a glass, the older serving him one in return. “ _So, how’s life, buddy?_ ” the older suddenly asks after their first glass. Jisung half-smiled, his eyes showing his true feelings, “ _got dumped again_.” At this answer, Chan replies by serving him one more glass.

They have already emptied one bottle of soju and have just started the second one. Glasses in hands, Jisung is getting tipsy—maybe a bit drunk actually—and starts ranting about his past relationships. Chan, who has known him for three years already, knows all of that. Yet he lets the boy talk his feelings out.

“ _You should’ve been there when I was dating Hyunjin. He was such a sweet boy, the perfect boy_ ,” Jisung starts, raising his arm in the air, spilling a bit of his drink. Chan furrows his eyebrows, “ _Isn’t he the one that dumped you for a girl?_ ” Jisung groans, memories coming way too vividly for his half-drunk state.

*** * ***

Jisung had just entered university. His best friend, Felix, walking next to him, they make their way to their shared dorm room. “ _I can’t believe I’m actually going to room with my best friend!_ ” Felix had shouted as he had opened the door, turning on himself with a bright smile on his face. Jisung laughed, pushing him inside the room. It hadn’t taken long for Felix to drag Jisung by the hand, wanting to tour the campus by themselves. As they did so, laughing and having fun with each other rather than looking for their surroundings, Jisung collided with a huge hard wall. He rubbed his hand over his forehead, only when he heard a groan, he realised it wasn’t a wall but someone he had collided with. “ _Oh my god, I’m so sorry!_ ” he hurriedly said, shoving his elbow into Felix’s waist as he kept laughing. When he looked up and saw the person’s face, his breath got taken away.

*** * ***

“ _That’s cliché, Jisung_ ,” Chan laughs, pouring him another drink. “ _Maybe it is, but it really happened like that!_ ” Jisung whines. Once his glass got empty again, he resumes his story.

*** * ***

Exchanging names, and room number, they had both went their own way. Felix kept on pestering Jisung about how ridiculous he had looked, his cheeks red and eyes wide open. Jisung didn’t say anything that day, his mind clouded with thoughts of the boy— _Hwang Hyunjin_.

Fate being on their side, they so happened to be on the same degree. They shared at least half of their classes. Hyunjin sat next to Jisung on their first day, befriending him. It however didn’t take him long before he asked the boy on a date. Jisung calmly accepted, but inside he was like a teenage girl getting asked to prom; hysterical.

Hurrying to his dorm room, he jumped on Felix—who was reading a manga in his bed—and told him everything that had happened with Hyunjin. Too absorbed by his growing feelings, he didn’t catch the light fading in Felix’s eyes, his smile getting faker and faker with each word Jisung was saying.

*** * ***

“ _I thought you were talking about Hyunjin_ ,” Chan pesters, his seventh drink in hand. He is getting tipsy too, making it hard for him to pour Jisung another glass. Jisung puts his index finger above his lips—after two tries—and hushes him before talking again.

*** * ***

His first date with Hyunjin was planned for the next day. Right after their last class, Hyunjin took him with his car and drove him to the movie theatre. They watched an action movie, sitting next to each other, sharing an armrest and popcorns. They had known each other for around a month now, Jisung was very aware of his crush on the taller boy. So, as soon as the room had gone dark, he had put his hand on the armrest, plainly visible, waiting for Hyunjin to take it in his. However, the taller boy seemed pretty oblivious to it—or too shy—as he didn’t use the armrest at all. It was only after one half of the movie that Jisung silently grumbled and put his hand over the other. He may have acted boldly, his cheeks were bright red and his mind was going crazy—if someone could’ve seen inside of his head, they would’ve seen a little Jisung running in circles, yelling at the top of his lungs, red lights flickering everywhere. Hyunjin intertwined his fingers with Jisung’s, a small smile on his face. After the movie, they had gone to a restaurant nearby, not leaving each other’s hands.

*** * ***

“ _Didn’t you tell me you two had McDonald’s?_ ” Chan interrupts once again, a smile plastered on his face as he sees Jisung going crazy, threatening him to never tell him stories ever again. Yet, he complies and corrects himself.

*** * ***

After the movie, they had gone to a McDonald’s nearby, getting cheeseburgers and fries, sharing them without letting go of the other’s hand. Hyunjin then drove Jisung back to campus, walking him to his dorm room. He kissed his cheek and left him to go to his own room. Jisung stayed in front of his door, hand on his cheek, smile on his face. Felix had to walk out of the room to drag the boy _home_.

The next day, Jisung had woken up in cold sweat. When he will see Hyunjin again, will they hold hand? Will they act like nothing happened? He didn’t know and that made his stomach churn. Felix sensed that something was wrong when Jisung didn’t eat breakfast, still he said nothing and walked the boy to his first class. It was tradition, or maybe just a habit of them, but they always walked each other to their respective classes—who walked whom was decided over who started first or who had a class the furthest from their dorm.

Arriving in front of Jisung’s room, Felix had to witness Hyunjin walking towards the boy and take his hands in his, a huge smile on his face as he asked him on another date. Jisung didn’t catch Felix’s expression, nor did he see him leave, way too absorbed in the boy in front of him as he nodded yes to the date.

Four days later, on Saturday, Jisung dressed nicely for his second date with Hyunjin. Once again, Hyunjin drove him to the date’s location. It was a dimly lit park, almost no one was around at this hour which was nice. It was dinner time, Jisung’s stomach grumbled. They walked hand-in-hand along the path, talking about nothing in particular, enjoying each other’s presence just like that. After some time, Hyunjin abruptly stopped in his track, Jisung stopping a few centimetres after him as their intertwined hands avoided him from going any further. “ _What are we doing here?_ ” Jisung naively asked. Hyunjin didn’t answer, walking on the grass with Jisung behind him. It took him a few seconds before he saw the small tablecloth laying on the grass, a picnic basket on top of it. “ _Did you—Did you prepare all of this? For me?_ ” Jisung asked, bewildered as Hyunjin nodded, pink dust on his cheeks.

They ate in an awkward but comfortable silence, facing each other, their knees touching. It all went great and smoothly, until a little girl came running behind her mother, stopping when she saw the two boys. “ _Mommy, mommy_ ,” the little girl screamed at the top of her lungs. “ _Can I eat with them, mommy? I want food too! Mommy I’m hungry!_ ” she yelled, which made the two boys laugh. “ _Sweetheart, leave the two boys alone on their date,_ ” the mom whisper yelled. “ _Mommy, what’s a date?_ ” The little girl’s innocence made them laugh so much they both fell on each other. None of them dared moving, so they finished their food while cuddling on the tablecloth on the grass, watching the sunset.

Maybe it was the sunset, maybe it was the little girl and her mom’s words, maybe it was the way the streetlight made Hyunjin’s skin glow, but something in Jisung’s stomach made him feel some kind of way. He looked at the taller boy, his hand reaching his cheek. A smile on both of their faces, Jisung leaned in and their lips met. It wasn’t Jisung’s first kiss, neither was it Hyunjin’s, but it was their first. The smaller boy discovered the other’s lips; plump, soft, tasting a bit like the apple juice he had just drank. He wasn’t expecting fireworks in his head, nor butterflies in his stomach. Yet, he could feel a wave of happiness invade his entire body as the taller boy put his hand on the back of his neck as he leaned in and deepened the kiss. Eyes closed, Jisung let the boy lead the kiss, feeling weak but safer than ever in his arms.

*** * ***

“ _Damn, was it the best kiss of your life or what?_ ” Chris yells, a bit too loudly for Jisung’s liking. “ _Hyunjin was a really good kisser, ok!_ ” They both laughs as Chris mimics how he imagines Jisung kissing someone almost twenty centimetres taller than him.

*** * ***

When they got back to their campus, Jisung walked Hyunjin to his dorm room. It was his first time in front of his door. Feeling suddenly embarrassed, he didn’t dare move as he was telling him to _have a good night_. Hyunjin had laughed and kissed him sweetly, “ _now I can sleep well,_ ” he had said. The taller boy entered his room, closed the door, and Jisung didn’t move an inch. Ten seconds later, Hyunjin opened his door again and circled Jisung’s waist with his arms, kissing him again deeply, as if it was his first time seeing him after months away. The smaller boy had his hands deep in the other’s hair. Their tongue met once, twice, thrice, and again, again, again. Breathing deeply against each other’s skin, they didn’t stop kissing until Jisung stopped tiptoeing. A small laugh left them, Jisung feeling shorter than ever as he put his head on the other’s chest. “ _Wanna stay for tonight?_ ” Hyunjin simply asked, Jisung nodded. That night, Jisung slept hugging Hyunjin, his head buried in the other’s chest, listening to his heartbeat as if it was a lullaby.

*** * ***

“ _You two didn’t have sex?_ ” the older boy asks almost immediately. Jisung chokes on the liquid he had just put in his mouth. “ _Not on the first night!_ ” he says, faking being offended. “ _Well, we did have sex a few times, but not on the first night!_ ” Jisung’s cheeks were growing bright red which made Chan laughs, “ _Then what did you two do after that?_ ” “ _Well, we went to class together. People stared at us, Hyunjin told them off and asked me to be his boyfriend in front of everyone,_ ” Jisung starts. “ _Did you say yes?_ ” Chris drunkenly asks. “ _Of course, I did! Anyway, I said yes, and he kissed me in front of like two hundred people_ ,” Jisung blushes at the memory.

*** * ***

Even while dating, Hyunjin and Jisung never really stopped going on dates. It was their way of showing the other their never fading feelings for each other—or was it a way to keep it alive? Jisung wasn’t sure anymore. Anyway, whatever reason they had, it felt nice to, once a week, go eat at a restaurant, or go watch a movie, walk in a park, go shopping, or whatever they used to do for fun.

Jisung dated Hyunjin for almost half of his university life. A year and a half. At the end of their first year, they had planned a trip together, not just them. Felix was there too, Seungmin—Hyunjin’s best friend—also came, some of their childhood friends too. It was a way to _bond with each other’s circle_. A two-week-trip to Jeju Island. That’s what they had planned for almost two months. They all took the plane together, landing on the island and all of them had stars in their eyes. Arms around Jisung’s waist, Hyunjin hugged him a bit closer, kissing the top of his head, “ _I’m so happy to be here with you. I love you so much, Jisung._ ” Hyunjin’s words made Jisung the happiest on earth. It wasn’t the first time he had heard them—whether it’d be from his past boyfriends, his family, his friends, or from Hyunjin himself—yet it made him feel like they were pure truth, at that exact moment. He felt loved, truly loved. The trip was great, yet Jisung felt like something was wrong without being able to point what was. They all went home with great memories, smile on their face, souvenirs in their luggage.

The rest of the holidays went quicker than the two boys had expected. They didn’t leave that far away from each other, but they didn’t meet that often, wanting to stay with their families as they were away all year long. They didn’t feel everything changing in their relationship until they met again at the beginning of their second year.

Still rooming with Felix, Jisung didn’t meet Hyunjin until their first class—almost a week after they had moved in. Hyunjin had dyed his hair in a light brown shade, Jisung didn’t like it. Furrowing his eyebrows, he simply said “ _Why did you do that?_ ” instead of kissing him hello. The taller boy arched his own brows, wondering what he was referring to. A quick glance at the boy’s hair, and he gasped dramatically. “ _You don’t like it? I did it with my old friend last month, during the holiday_ ,” Hyunjin started explaining. A few more words and Jisung learned that that _old friend_ was a girl, _the girl_ Hyunjin had a crush on when he was in high school. Jisung wasn’t the type to think low of his looks, he knew he was attractive, and he knew his charms. It didn’t prevent him from feeling like he couldn’t compete with his boyfriend’s high school crush. He felt jealousy building up in his stomach.

It was pretty easy to upset Jisung, but it also was easy to offend Hyunjin. A small conversation between the two boys about some hair colour and a high school crush was all it took for them to avoid each other for a day. Jisung stayed in his dorm room, sulking in his bed, grumbling against his pillow. Felix forced him to eat, drink water, shower, study, and then he cuddled him to sleep, caressing his hair as he hummed him some lullaby. Jisung wasn’t angry the next morning when he woke up in Felix’s arms.

Their fight ended at that moment. The rest of the semester went by like it hadn’t start with a fight. However, it wasn’t like their first year. They didn’t go on dates anymore—“ _I’m too busy, I can’t today_ ” or “ _I really need to keep my money this month, I’m sorry I can’t_ ” being said every weeks by one of them. Everyone saw their relationship losing its spices and colours, getting bland, no one said a word—at the beginning one of Jisung’s friend had spoken up about it, Jisung had gone a bit mad so, none of them ever talked about it again.

Christmas time, Jisung came to Hyunjin’s dorm room with a present in his hand. The year before, Hyunjin had come with him to celebrate Christmas with his family, this time he wanted to ask if he could come with him to see his family. He knocked on the door, hiding the present behind his back. Hyunjin opened the door, wearing comfortable pyjamas, hair sticking up in every direction, _“Jisung?_ ” The smaller boy smiled as big as he could, handing him the present. “ _Happy Christmas, Hyunjin!_ ” he said with enthusiasm. The taller boy looked visibly taken aback, his eyes growing wide, “ _It—It’s today? I forgot! Oh my god, Jisung I forgot to buy you something!_ ” To say that Jisung’s heart didn’t break would be a lie, yet he simply continued to smile, shoving his present in the boy’s chest, “ _It’s ok, just take mine. And when I’ll go with you to your parents to celebrate, you’ll get me one. Ok?_ ” Hyunjin’s shaken expression became sterner as he took the present in his hand, “ _We never agreed that you were going with me?_ ” “ _Well I—I thought I cou—It’s ok, I’ll just go to mine and you’ll get me one once we come back here, mh?_ ” he waited for the taller boy to nod. “ _I need to study for finals now. Don’t open it now! I need to go, see you?_ ” the taller boy nodded once again, and Jisung left with quick steps, turning his back on Hyunjin the faster he had ever done, tears threatening to fall at any moment.

Jisung hadn’t reached his dorm room yet that he was crying. Cheeks puffy and red, eyes full of tears, nose runny, ears ringing with each loud step he took, vision blurry it took him four tries until he got his door’s passcode correctly. Felix was sitting on his bed, phone in hand, he wasn’t expecting Jisung to come home this early, thinking he’d stay at Hyunjin’s to open their presents. So, seeing his best friend enter the room while crying, it took him by surprise. “ _Jisung? Jisung, what happened?_ ” He got up in a hurry, hugging the boy and helping him take his shoes off.

Once again waking up in Felix’s arms, Jisung felt better than the day before. He snuggled against the other boy, closing his eyes again to sleep a bit more. It was Christmas eve, he was supposed to leave for his parents, yet he felt like staying in bed forever.

He only left in the evening, making sure almost everyone was already gone home. He didn’t want to see Hyunjin. His boyfriend hadn’t text him. He hadn’t said something like “ _I was joking Jisung, of course you can come with me for Christmas_ ” nor did he say “ _Thank you for the present, I’ll get you the best one this year._ ” Jisung spent the worst Christmas he could remember. Midnight, he got a text from Felix wishing him a _happy Christmas and a happy day_. 1am, he got a text from some friends wishing him a _happy Christmas full of nice presents_. 6am, he got a text from one of his cousins wishing him a _happy Christmas and happiness in life_. 3pm, he got a text from his boyfriend wishing him a _happy Christmas_. Jisung’s heart sank a bit. He closed his eyes, holding his phone against his chest as he fought the tears who were about to spill.

Two days later, Jisung got back in his dorm room. He was spending New Year Eve with Felix, just like they always did. Sitting on his best friend’s bed, waiting for him to get out of his shower, he took his phone and opened some of his social medias. Maybe it was a stupid idea to look at Hyunjin’s Instagram story. Maybe it was a stupid idea to text him “ _What are you two doing?_ ” when he saw the image of him hugging a girl he didn’t recognise. Maybe it was stupid of him to look at Hyunjin’s answer, ‘ _we need to talk Jisung._ ’

When Felix got out of his shower, he found Jisung crying on his bed, hugging the boy’s pillow, his phone thrown away on the floor. “ _Jisung?_ ” he carefully called. The boy looked up, staring at his best friend before throwing himself in his arms, crying even louder and mumbling words that made no sense—to Felix at least, because to him it was very clear. Once he had calmed down, he said five words that made Felix hug him even tighter, “ _Hyunjin broke up with me_.”

*** * ***

“ _Damn I can’t believe you cried this hard for that boy_ ,” Chan says once Jisung had finished his story. “ _He was really nice, ok_ ,” Jisung argues, feeling the alcohol in his body. Chan looks at his glossy eyes, then his rosy cheeks, “ _Want another glass?_ ” “ _I think I’m a bit drunk, hehe_ ” the younger chuckles, leaning back on his chair, almost falling by doing so. “ _Sure, you are. Let’s eat something,_ ” Chan suggests.

A pot of boiling stew in front of them, and a new bottle of soju next to Chan, Jisung starts ranting again. “ _But, I mean, maybe Hyunjin dumped me for his high school crush that he kissed on Christmas day… Maybe, yes. Or not ‘maybe’ because he did. Anyway. What I was trying to say is that. Maybe he did, but at least I got to see Felix in a new eye_ ,” Jisung drunkenly says. Chan laughs and nods his head at him, encouraging him to continue his story.

Chan obviously knows what Jisung means by that, yet it feels like tonight is a reminiscing night.

*** * ***

Jisung had cried for days after his breakup with Hyunjin. Barely leaving his bed, staying in pyjamas, eating only leftovers in small proportion, binge watching tv shows instead of studying for his finals—Jisung is now slightly grateful it happened during his holiday and not in the middle of the semester.

During that period, Felix stayed by his side. Actually, Felix had always been there, next to him, helping him, encouraging him, motivating him, making him smile and feeling safe. Never had he looked at Felix in any other way than as his best friend, but now it seemed clear to him that Felix didn’t see him as _just that_. He felt quite oblivious and blind for not realising before. Memories from the past year came crashing onto him; how Felix’s smile never once reached his eyes when he saw Jisung with Hyunjin, how Felix was the only one able to calm him down with just a hug, how Felix was always there whenever Jisung cried, or was in pain. Then, he remembered when he first met Felix. They were in middle school, Felix was new in town and Jisung had taken him under his wings—“ _I know everyone in this city, believe me, I’m the king here!_ ” small Jisung had said.

*** * ***

“ _And then you two got in trouble one night in Itaewon because you got lost and Mister ‘I know everyone’ didn’t know his way home nor any stranger in the street_ ,” Chan chuckles as he tells about Jisung and Felix’s first adventure. The younger boy pouts, but smiles almost immediately after, “ _to be honest, Felix’s face as he realized I wasn’t the king in this city was priceless. He was so naïve, that was really cute_ ,” he sighs as he recalls the boy’s face.

*** * ***

Being born only a day apart, they had decided to celebrate their birthday together on the same day. They never missed one—even if they were far from each other they would video call each other to celebrate their birthdays. At their sixteenth birthday, Felix had proposed to Jisung, “ _If none of us has a significant other by the age of thirty, let’s promise to marry each other,_ ” the boy had said—or something along those lines. Laughing, Jisung had agreed, not knowing Felix already had feelings for him at that time. And there they were, almost twenty-two, and Jisung was going through a nasty heartbreak while Felix was taking care of him.

Classes starting again, Felix had walked Jisung to his classroom, caressing his back to give him some strength—Jisung was definitely not ready to face Hyunjin yet. But he had to. They shared classes, and he couldn’t ask the administration to _change groups because my ex is in it_. He just had to deal with it by himself. The first week of classes was hell. Jisung almost cried four times, skipped three classes and went to five of Felix’s ones to not be alone.

But then, everything went back to normal. Spending an entire weekend cuddling his best friend, he finally realized how at peace he was in the boy’s arms. He still doesn’t know what got into him at that exact moment but seeing Felix with his eyes half-closed as he was falling asleep, ray of sunshine falling on his freckles, nose scrunching as he sniffed, Jisung leaned in and left a soft kiss on top of the boy’s nose. Taken aback, Felix opened his eyes wide, looking at his best friend in the eyes, “ _What was that?_ ”

Jisung doesn’t really recall the events but he is a hundred percent sure that him and Felix shared their first kiss that night. Maybe it was because Jisung didn’t want to explain his sudden _kiss_ , maybe it was because Jisung had explained his sudden _kiss_ , maybe it was for another reason. But the thing is, they kissed. And since that day, Jisung had troubles seeing his best friend like he used to. How could he see Felix as _a friend_ when he felt his soft lips against his? Maybe Felix wasn’t as great of a kisser as Hyunjin was, but Felix’s mouth fitted way better on Jisung’s.

*** * ***

“ _And then you asked Felix out because you felt like your head was gonna explode if you didn’t clear things out asap_ ,” Chan states almost as if he was telling a tale. Jisung nods, taking a mouthful of the still boiling stew, burning his tongue, “ _Ah! Hot, hot, hot!_ ” Chan laughs at him, handing him a glass of water that he drinks down in one.

*** * ***

Dating Felix wasn’t too far from being friend with him, it just had kisses and occasional sex in addition. But the rest was the exact same. Spending nights playing video games and pushing each other, cuddling while watching a movie on their laptop, baking and making a mess in the kitchen, meeting at each other’s during the holidays… They didn’t have to _meet the other’s family_ as they already knew each other—no one was actually surprised when they said they were dating. They still walked each other to their classrooms, except that now instead of waving the other good luck, they kissed and hugged. Once again, none of their friends was surprised to see them date.

Six months into their relationship, Jisung met Chan. He was one of Felix’s senior. They randomly met in front of one of Felix’s class, and became friend almost instantly.

*** * ***

“ _You and Felix were really cute together, I have to admit_ ,” Chan suddenly says, recalling the two boys walking hand-in-hand, always stuck together. “ _Too bad it had to end that way, right?_ ” Jisung dryly laughs.

*** * ***

Two years. This is how long Jisung and Felix dated. Almost done with their degree, they decided to study more assiduously. However, Jisung didn’t know it would make Felix think so low of himself. Of course, stress was a normal thing for students, and anxiousness was a normal thing for couples when they couldn’t spend affectionate time with each other. But it wasn’t normal for Felix to feel like he was the worst boyfriend in the world because Jisung was stressed, or anxious, or because he himself was stressed or anxious. Jisung knew Felix as much as he knew himself, yet he never knew he had such a low self-esteem. He knew Felix had had nasty relationships, yet he didn’t know it was _that bad_.

One morning, Jisung had left their dorm room right after waking up, wanting to go buy some fresh pastries for Felix as he had an exam on that day. When he got back home, small box full of croissants and other pastries, he found Felix turning in circle in the middle of their living-room, biting his nails until his fingers were bleeding. “ _Lix? Is something wrong?_ ” Jisung had softly asked, putting the box on the nearest table before walking towards the freckled boy, visibly anxious. Felix had turned around almost immediately after hearing the other’s voice, asking in a shivery voice if he had left because he wanted to break up with him. Shocked, Jisung had exclaimed that he had only bought pastries to surprise him. Felix had felt idiot and let Jisung hug him tight, caressing his hair to calm him down.

If it only had happened once, Jisung wouldn’t have said anything. However, it happened almost every time Jisung left without telling a word, or whenever he was late. Jisung couldn’t understand why Felix felt so anxious all the time when he was perfectly fine with it when they were just friends.

A month and a half living that way, having to explain every single move he was doing, Jisung thought he was going to go nuts. He talked about it with Felix, who promised to try his best and _be better for him_. That wasn’t what Jisung was asking. “ _You’re already good enough, Lix. That’s not what I’m saying. I just want you to trust me, can’t you trust me anymore?_ ” Jisung had said in his softest voice, taking the freckled boy’s hand in his to intertwine their fingers.

With all the efforts in the world, texting Felix constantly to reassure him and tell him why he had left, what he was doing, staying with him as much as he could, trying to never be late, Felix didn’t trust him more. He still cried for hours thinking the boy was _cheating on him_ , _about to breakup with him_ , that Felix wasn’t _good enough for Jisung_. So, they talked. Once again. Jisung wasn’t the type to give up this easily, nor was he the type to go angry and violent. However, their talk ended on a “ _I think it’s better if I leave you_ ” from Felix. Jisung’s heart sank once again, the same way it had done with Hyunjin.

Feeling so low of himself, Felix had thought about it on his own. He wasn’t going to change, and even if he had loved Jisung for the past almost ten years, if he couldn’t trust him, he won’t ever. It was the softest breakup Jisung ever had. The two boys hugged while they cried, sharing a last kiss mixed with their salty tears. It probably was a good thing that it was the end of the year, meaning they both had to move out from their shared dorm room.

*** * ***

“ _I saw Felix last week,_ ” Chan says out of the blue, eating a bit of the stew while scanning Jisung’s reaction. “ _Oh? How is he? Tell him I said hi_ ,” the boy exclaims in a joyful tone, yet his face doesn’t look happy.

*** * ***

After he and Felix broke up, Jisung still talked to some of their mutual friends. It was Chan’s case. Over the years, they had become closer to the point that he could call him his best friend—Felix wasn’t anymore.

A few months later, Jisung had dated a younger boy— _Jeongin_ —but it didn’t last long. The boy was just thinking about studying and never called or texted Jisung. It wasn’t a hurtful breakup, they didn’t even date for half a year.

Later, Jisung dated one of Chan’s friend— _Minho_. He was a pretty unusual boy. Being around him was fun. They would always go on dates and laugh a lot. Yet, none of them really felt in love with the other. A year of dating, they had decided to stop everything. To this day, they were still friends—if a text once every two months was considered being friends.

*** * ***

“ _So, Jisung, I need to ask you something_ ,” Chan starts, his voice sounding serious, but his eyes were smiling. Jisung nods, taking a sip of soju. He wasn’t as drunk as before—thanks to the food—but he was still feeling hazy from the alcohol in his body. “ _Who was the best in bed?_ ” Chan suddenly asks, Jisung choking on his drink. Putting his half-empty cup on the table, he lets his eyes wander around the bar, feigning to think deeply about the question. “ _Honestly?_ ” “ _Honestly_ ,” Chan repeats. “ _Well, I’d say it’s…_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> find more work on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/softflowermin) :]  
> you can also ask question related to my works on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/softflowermin)!


End file.
